Constantly Afraid

As early as three I remember being ignored. There was too much going on with late night partying, drugs, yelling, and my step dad beating my mother. I had to take care of myself. I remember walking to school, feeding myself, my mom being passed out and not being able to wake her. My mom, brother and sister would often get hit in front of me. I also remember broken furniture, no food, no clothes, no birthdays, no Christmas, no security. I was constantly afraid. I was her child but he(my step dad) would say “spank her” and she did because if she didn't he would beat her. Both of them used heroin and this caused everything to collapse.

My mom had moved from AL to CA away from my real dad because he threatened to kill her, now what was my step dad? I was molested by a few friends because I was never watched after. I missed a ton of school. Finally the police came to take me but my big brother rushed over and lied saying he had been watching me. About a few months later after my mom had hid me at a friend’s house when we police came. (I'm guessing they were looking for my mom, maybe she had a warrant). I ran away from the family’s home to my home looking for my mom and saw the police talking to my step dad. I hid until they left. I rushed inside calling for my mom. He said he didn’t know where my mom was. I waited for her there. I had no food to eat, and sat in our broken home while he drank. He event threw my cat against the wall at one point. Finally my mom showed up just to take me in hiding again. I had missed months of school. All she cared about was drugs. Eventually we went back home but one day the police came back and I was taken away in front of all the neighborhood kids on my street. I was terrified. I was sent to a kids home until they found me a foster home.

I was in there for four years. At one point my mom didn't see me for six months. Once she came to visit and passed out the twenty minutes we had left. She missed several visits, I would wait on the curb outside for hours. It was so lonely, but it was probably better then the life I would have had with her. Her life of living place to place, drug abuse, stealing cars, I probably would of been abused by strangers. I'm grateful I was taken away. I do still feel empty from all the neglect but I survived and now have a better life.


CFC# 11571