I Couldn’t Call for Help

I was born in 1963 to a mother that had a chemical imbalance and an addiction to drugs and alcohol.  My father was brought up in a well-to-do Catholic family and was an only child.  We lived in wealthy communities with my dad living beyond his means.  We had no other family or close family friends.  My parents kept their situation a secret and alienated their parents.  My father was too embarrassed and selfish to let anyone know what was going on. I was the middle child and never told anyone what went on at our home.  For obvious reasons I did poorly in school.  Teachers did not take the time to work with me. I entered kindergarten and was already behind; it went down hill from there.  As a child you think you are bad, you do not understand it is not your fault. Your parents do not like you; your teachers are annoyed by you. It is very scary.  I had no friends because we lived far from school and the surrounding neighbors went to private schools.  We dressed different than everyone else because my parents would not spend the money on name brand clothing.  We were constantly verbally abused and beaten.  In fifth grade a teacher pulled me aside and told me to start bathing properly as my neck was not being washed.  I could not do any activities because I did not have a ride.  My mom was a stay-at-home dead beat, she would not cook dinner and I went to school without lunch or money most days.  

I believe if we had lived in a poor community the state would have taken us out of our home. I believe that would have been in my best interest.  If we were removed from the home we might have understood that the situation was not our fault.  As a teenager I had a weight problem.  I had very low self esteem, never had a date, or went to a dance.  I felt invisible.  When I went to college my life began to change; for the first time I had an opportunity to be like everyone else.  As a result the weight fell off, friendships developed, and I fell in love with someone that was in love with me too.  

It was a long road to loving myself and understanding the effects of my childhood.  I barely got by in elementary school, middle school, and high school.  College was a new beginning and I did as well as could be expected with the foundation of knowledge I had.  My personality and strong work ethic helped me to achieve a wonderful career in the computer industry and allowed me to have the things I needed to survive and live a nice lifestyle.  However, bad situations did come up.  I once had to spend the night outside Boston in a bad part of town, because I knew I couldn’t call home for help.  I was too embarrassed to ask a friend because then my parents lack of caring would be exposed. I never wanted anyone to know that I had no one to count on.  I wanted people to assume I had caring parents and was "normal".  I hid until the sun came up.  I still feared losing everything and having no one to turn too. I have many heart wrenching stories but I am proud of everything I have survived.  

Today I am married with three great children and two dogs.  I am now the mother I always wished I had.  I love to share my stories with others as an inspiration.  If you met me you would be surprised that this is my past but it would explain my humble and generous disposition.  At 47 years of age I have achieved more than I could have ever dreamed.  I believe it’s karma.  I know from personal experience that when a woman is struggling you can help her with her wardrobe, her education, her career, but if you don’t inspire her to believe in herself she will fail.  I had to overcome so much and I understand self sabotage.  I inspire my friends and now I want to help woman that really need me.


CFC# 11571