I’m a Bad Kid

I'm a bad kid.

I say that to this day and I shine with pride every time it comes out of my mouth. From the time I was 6, when my half sister was born until I was 16, I was physically, sexually, and emotionally abused. My stepfather would beat me with anything he could find- once he beat me with a shovel, another time he "spanked" me with a hot curling iron. Once, he slapped me on my eye that he cut it open, almost blinding me. I was told that it was a miracle I kept my sight, but to this day my pupils are two entirely different sizes.

He molested me from the time I was 12 until I was 16. He raped me on my 16th birthday when he saw my best friend kiss me on the forehead, he told me that I belonged to him and now no man would ever want me. He told me every single day how ugly, useless, fat and disgusting I was. He called me the little slut.

He made me drink chemicals from under the sink, made me eat rotten food and a few times, almost forced me to eat feces. Every day he told me I was a bad kid. I brought this on myself. Why couldn't I behave? Why couldn't I just do what he told me? Why did I have to look like my mother? Why did I have to be such a tease? I had no idea. All I knew was that every time I saw that look in his eyes, I wanted to run as fast and as far away as possible.

We finally left him and I thank my lucky stars I made it out alive with only minor medical issues, but severe emotional and mental trauma. I can barely function on certain days and in certain situations, but I try not to let it control me.

Since then, I have wanted to give to the community- to help somewhere and help out kids like me, help them get the help I never(and still haven't) received.

I’ve organized a fundraiser for the local Women's Services shelter, earning over $700 for them, but it's not enough. I spoke at Teacher Conferences when they were going through their Mandated Reporter training, to explain to them the repercussions of not reporting the abuse and to tell my story- it's not enough. I donate 20 hours a week in a "Survivors" chat, giving out the number for ChildHelp and other emergency services, giving support and talking to kids- It's not enough.

If you know a kid is being harmed, report it. Don't sit back and say, "One report from me isn't enough." No, you're right. It's NOT enough. But it sure is a start.

I'm 19, I have a low paying job, I have PTSD and Manic Depression, I can't have normal relationships with people, but I donate, I help my community, and I give back even when the community never gave to me.

I'm a bad kid. And I've never felt more proud.

Childhelp

CFC# 11571