Still Affected

by Donna

I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually growing up.  My mom was an alcoholic and would beat me with a belt for no reason.  My dad was never home but when he was he would take out his anger on me and sometimes he'd hit me so hard I would feel the wind knock out of me. My brother sexually abused me.  

I was told I was bad a lot and the abuse was my fault.  My brother used to tell me not to say anything or he and I would get in trouble and we would get beat by mom and dad.  My mom was drunk a lot and would either be out at the bar or passed out at home.  I had to rely on my older sister to take care of me; she grew resentful.  I grew up thinking I was a worthless, stupid, and an ugly person.  I tried to kill myself at age 12 and was taken to a mental hospital.  The memories of physical abuse have never gone away but the sexual abuse changed me forever.  It took away my innocence and my spirit was broken. 

I married young to get out of my house, had 2 kids and then my husband left me.  I started drinking and mixing prescription drugs.  I almost lost my kids, my job and my life.  I went through an outpatient program for addictions and am now sober.  I suffer from bipolar, depression, OCD, adhd, anxiety disorder and PTSD.  I am on a lot of medication to help.  I am forever changed due to the abuse I’ve endured, but I am seeking to therapy to help heal from my childhood.