Stripped of my Innocence

My father took my virginity when I was 10 years old. My brother and my uncle would come into my room at night and touch me and make me do things to them. I was threatened that if I ever told anybody what was happening to me, that I would be killed, and easily. 

Aside from being stripped of my innocence and dignity, my grandmother was also severely abusive. She would beat me to the point that I was bleeding from every pore of my body. If I did something wrong and she was too tired to hit me she would make me stand in the corner of an empty room, staring at the wall. If I sat down or moved any part of my body she would slam her fist in my face, and hit me with anything she could find. I would stand staring at that wall for hours. 

As a child I would pray to God every day to kill me, to take me away from that horrible place, I was so tired of fighting, I was so tired of slowly walking up the stairs to my fathers room wearing skanky clothes...waiting to be ashamed again. I was tired of my uncle locking me in a room and not letting me out until I "took care of him" and I was tired of my brother, my best friend, making me do those same things. I grew up hating myself, my family, and my God. 

When I turned 18 I left my family and moved into a small place with my boyfriend at the time. He was heavy into drugs and did nothing productive. He would always call me names and make me feel like I was worth nothing. 

One day, while in school, I was pulled aside by a woman she told me that I was beautiful and that she was amazed at how much I was excelling in school. I was so wrapped up in my pain and shame that I didn't even realize that I was good at something. I graduated High School with a 3.8 GPA and continued onto college, which I currently have a 4.0 GPA. I went to therapy for about a year and learned skills to help me face the monsters in my closet. I learned that the things that happened to me were not my fault, and that I am loved by many people. Most of all I came to realize that maybe I went through everything I did because God wanted me to make a difference, and how can I ever dream of helping somebody I can't empathize with? After I graduate College I want to move on to help children all over the world that suffer silently and scared. I am not afraid to be a voice of hope; I no longer hide behind a wall of shame, and I only pray to be a light in the dark world of many children. I love who I am, I love the people around me, and I love my God.


CFC# 11571