Jennifer’s Story: A Hateful Heart is Never a Healthy Heart

I am a poet, a sister, a friend, a daughter, a hard worker, a dreamer, a helper, and a giver.

But I am also a survivor. Growing up my Mother was mentally abusive. When I was eight she told me she never really loved me. Nothing I did was ever right. I used to love playing with makeup and jewelry and she would throw my stuff out and call me a whore for wearing those things. She was constantly hurting my Dad by cheating on him left and right. But my Father stood tall and strong and still tried to help her. He tried to keep the family together as best as he could. But no matter how hard we tried to help her, she only got worse.

My Dad was so proud of being the only one in his family to own a home. But it was short lived because my Mother spent a lot of money drinking and going out. She kept losing jobs and not doing her part to help out. I took on odd jobs babysitting and house-sitting so I could help any little way I could. My Mom used to come home sometimes at four or five in the morning drunk, throwing up all over the place. I found out later in life that she had sex with a guy I had a crush on. I was fourteen years old when I found out. It was a stupid little girl crush, but it was shattered by my Mom. Basically everything we had, my Mom took away from us. My Dad ended up losing his house, and we had to move into a smaller, more run down house.

My Mom soon found a new boyfriend and moved away with him. Soon after she moved, she stopped sending my Dad child support. I was sixteen, turning seventeen at the time, and I had to go out and find a job so I could help my Dad pay the bills. I spent my whole life taking my Moms place because she didn’t care enough to do her part. I went through years of mental problems that I even face to this day. I was put into anger management and therapy; I had suicidal thoughts and cut myself. I had feelings of just complete hopelessness and really wanted to die. If it wasn’t for the love and support of my family, I don’t know where I’d be. If not for my Dad, I think I would probably be dead or in a seriously bad place right now.

Today, I am engaged to be married. I live with a wonderful man, and I write tons of poetry to keep me going. Life inspires me, even the bad parts. Because I know I am here for a reason, and all the bad parts of my life have made me into a soldier. I am strong, smart, and capable of anything I put my mind to. I know that if my mind is constantly focused on the bad things, then I will never be happy.

My Mother and I are currently on speaking terms and I have forgiven her for everything she has done in the past. Getting to that point was hard, but I’m glad that I finally made it there. A hateful heart is never a healthy heart. And I just want to keep living! Never think you’re alone in this world. Never think that no one can help you. There is help out there. Keep fighting the good fight, and never give up. Your life is precious and you are special. Much love and light to all of you!